I just realized that I actually do have a big problem.
I figured out over the past few years that if I want my life to be “xyz,” I’m going to have to go out myself and get the “x,” train for the “y,” and earn the “z.” Then, I have to figure out how to put it all together into a life that I will actually enjoy waking up to every day.
The problem is, deep down, I honestly don’t believe I’m capable of making the life I want on my own. I need help. I need a partner. I need … someone else to help me get there somehow. Looking back over my life, I see this as a common theme.
In college, it was music. I wanted to write/sing/play, but I wasn’t good enough to do it alone, and I could never find a willing partner. No one wanted the same things I did. I was always great with lyrics and decent with melody – but anything beyond that (accompanying myself on guitar being one of them), I wasn’t good at. And had little desire to actually LEARN how to do those things. Therefore, my musical career ended there. (I went ahead to earn my Bachelor of Arts in music – only one 3-hour class and student teaching away from a full Music Education degree which I never finished because I never wanted to teach in schools – and still never had a career in music.)
I started this blog post yesterday and can’t honestly finish it properly because my train-of-thought has gone about a hundred different ways since I fell asleep writing it, and my feelings no longer align. At least, not at this very moment.
To wrap – I have deep feelings of inadequacy, I guess.
Be First to Comment